my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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