Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
