Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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