She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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