I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
