dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
