Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
