that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
