ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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