wakey wakey hands off snakey
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
