your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
