Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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