I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
