Will you blow on my dice?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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