the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
