the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
