if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
