her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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