when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
