I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
