I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
