She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
