so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
