Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
