i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
