I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I love you. Go after that dick
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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