You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My feet surprised me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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