My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
