I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
