Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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