I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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