my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize