we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I need moral support for this bender
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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