Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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