My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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