why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
