I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
