right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
