remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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