he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
