I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
