I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Houston, we have a blender
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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