peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
