she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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