I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
