So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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