Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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