Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
