we have pet lesbian snakes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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