it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
