So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
