you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
