I want to have your abortion
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
